In recent
years, I've been seen as a bit of an opinionated bastard by some and as "nice"
and "smart" by others. This is due to the feeling that I need to play
different characters in differing situations. I like to think that this "nice
smart" character reflects more of the real me than the "opinionated
bastard". However, my fear in this respect stems from the fact that people
generally taking advantage of people that they consider to be nice, especially
if that person has something they want. This is due to nice people often being
considered weak or feeble. And on a personal note, this is something I've
experienced way too much off in recent years.
This experience has fuelled internal doubts and insecurities vastly different
from those I had when I was younger. It has made me question the person I want
to be. Simply speaking, who am I, the opinionated bastard or the nice guy
people take advantage of. Furthermore, I'm not sure I necessarily feel
comfortable with the idea of playing different characters, but with the harsh
reality of the world we live in, I don't always have much choice. However, I
don't have the strength or desire to play the part of the opinionated bastard
on a constant basis. Not only that, but I don't want the nice character to be
killed off by life experience, so I guess the act of rotating characters will
continue. One alternative could be to try and merge this two conflicting
characters, being nice when I can and a bastard when I have to. This will be hard
and may take months or even years to perfect, but we'll have to see.
Self-reflect, self-question and self-discovery are all things that help us
develop and evolve as people and is something I will continue to look and
strive for in the years to come. Perhaps this question of characters vs.
reality is simply a part of that reflection
Jason
Cates